f.ck f.ck I f.ck have f.ck been f.ck away f.ck for f.ck a while, f.ck
thought f.ck it was f.ck time f.ck to post the f.ck nigger f.ck
manual!!! f.ck all you f.ck whites who f.ck own a nigger, here f.ck is
the help f.ck you need to f.ck own your f.ck nigger!!!!

NIGGER OWNERS MANUAL

Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled
properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant,
service.

INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you
have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a
serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to
another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think
about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon
as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of
them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone
units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at
escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most
owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused
by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-
You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names
for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called
Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes
Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names
for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by
the way.

CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and
vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases
with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However,
others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some
pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your
nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier -
at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers
have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate
their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not
the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a
mystery why this is not done on the boat

HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make
sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger
food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of
cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two
hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft
ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out
of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of
the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not
about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to
attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is
living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers
and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks
never attempt sex with black hoes.

FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You
should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy a.s
almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with
salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with
whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced
nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the
nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers
have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old
Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all
niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He
reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his
niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks
while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it
will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to
teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't
ask. You have no idea.

MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK.
Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most
prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which
have evolved to make it more comfortable for your nigger to sit around
all day doing nothing for its entire life. Niggers are often good
runners, too, to enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite
direction if they see work heading their way. The solution to this is
to *dupe* your nigger into working. After installation, encourage it
towards the cotton field with blows of a wooden club, fence post,
baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all that cotton belongs to a
white man, who won't be back until tomorrow. Your nigger will then
frantically compete with the other field niggers to steal as much of
that cotton as it can before the white man returns. At the end of the
day, return your nigger to its cage and laugh at its stupidity, then
repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your nigger comes
equipped with the standard nigger IQ of 75 and a memory to match, so
it will forget this trick overnight. Niggers can start work at around
5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your
niggers can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light
fades.

ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it
regularly. A happy smiling nigger works best. Games niggers enjoy
include: 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your nigger's pants
down, hang it up by its heels, and have some of your other niggers
thrash it with a club or whip. Your nigger will signal its intense
enjoyment by shrieking and sobbing. 2) Lynch the nigger: niggers are
cheap and there are millions more where yours came from. So every now
and then, push the boat out a bit and lynch a nigger.

Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and
niggers just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your
other niggers watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a
day or two (and then you can lynch another one). 3) Nigger dragging:
Tie your nigger by one wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable
vehicle, then drive away at approximately 50mph. Your nigger's shrieks
of enjoyment will be heard for miles. It will shriek until it falls
apart. To prolong the fun for the nigger, do *NOT* drag him by his
feet, as his head comes off too soon. This is painless for the nigger,
but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and never exceed the speed
limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2), except you can lynch
your nigger out in the fields, thus saving work time. Niggers enjoy
this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white hood.
5) Hunt the nigger: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played
outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a
nigger, as they are highly toxic.

DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS.
Niggers die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years
too late, but there you go. Most people prefer their niggers dead, in
fact. When yours dies, report the license number of the car that did
the drive-by shooting of your nigger. The police will collect the
nigger and dispose of it for you.

COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS - MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESIVE
Have it put down, for f.ck's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What
are we, short of niggers or something?

MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any
white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.

WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely.
If niggers successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort
out their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were
nonexistent (until some fool gave them rights).

MY NIGGER bitches ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the f.ck up.

MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. - WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A
NIGGER?
A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color
you can see is the sh.t your nigger is full of. This is why some
models of nigger are sold as "The Shitskin".

MY NIGGER ACTS LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!

IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
They're as common as dog sh.t and about as valuable. In fact, one of
them was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage
with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops
acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the
niggers dispose of it. The best thing for any wigger is a dose of
TNB.

MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BAD
And you were expecting what?

SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD NIGGER?
When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead nigger
storage"? .That's because there ain't no f.ck sign.
Back to the Racist Jokes