the only vibrate and ring option is on the "RING /VIB" setting on the ringer
volume.  i dont know how it sounds (never used it) but i think its a loud
ringer and a vibrate. dont know the order though

When you select "high & vibrate" , it rings and vibrates at the same time.
The only way to accomplish what you'd like, which I've read somewhere else
some time ago,  is make up a ringer for your phone which has, let's say 5-
10 seconds of silence;  after the track of silence you could put anything
you want following it, ie, music, ringer, etc...  ;  then when you set your
phone to High/Vibrate, it'll only vibrate for the first 10 seconds or so,
and then ring or play music for the remaining 10 seconds with whatever you
choose.   This is, as far as I know, the only way to accomplish your goal.
Good luck.

ps:  If you want to try this out, do a search for bitpim which a free
download;  you can use that to help you w/ your ringer.  The other great
thing about that software, is you can remove any annoying banners that
pop-up on your phone, if you have them.  It's not hard to do.